Eshaan Joshi

By Eshaan Joshi • Vol 2, Issue 2 • Sept. 18, 2024

Well, It's been a couple weeks of the semester and it seems like the seasonal depression has finally kicked in for the freshmen. And by seasonal depression, I mean that they're depressed no matter what the season is. The energy and mirth of youth is over, and now there is only the grey plod of Carnegie Mellon.

Meanwhile, it seems my entire writing staff has gone on strike, and personally, as a disciple of good ol' Andy C., I don't think there's anything that can be done except shutting down the entire organization. This will, in that case, be …

By Eshaan Joshi • Vol 2, Issue 1 • Sept. 4, 2024

It's hard maintaining the standard of excellence this fine university has been known for in every single one of our publications, which is why readme has completely and utterly given up. In here you can find a record of every misdeed, mistake, evil plot, plan, and lie we have spread in our time as an institution on this campus, and we hope you use it to blackmail as many of us as possible.

In other news, following a hectic week of classes, many readme staff members have dropped dead from exhaustion, overwork, and other CMU­-specific diseases. A new ChatGPT …

By Eshaan Joshi • Vol 2, Issue 0 • Aug. 21, 2024

As the premier and only newspaper on campus, readme is honored to welcome each and every single one of you to Carnegie Mellon University, four years of your life you couldn't have anywhere else. Unless, of course, you buy the all inclusive package for 20% more plus shipping, in which case you can enjoy Carnegie Mellon from the comfort of your own home, 24/7, on up to three different devices! This place has a long and storied history, as one of the first institutions of higher learning on this side of the Appalachians. From the Fence, first constructed in 1917 …

By Eshaan Joshi • Vol 1, Issue 6 • April 10, 2024

As one of the most reputable sources of news on campus, readme staff took it upon themselves (with only a few threats of violence) to research one of our oldest and most favored traditions — bitching about Carnegie Mellon. While several old letters were uncovered complaining about the homework, the weather, and the lack of sex on campus, several staffers found a small box in the basement of Hunt that included documents dating back to the first ever buggy race.

While Carnegie Mellon would like you to believe that Buggy was founded by a group of well meaning fraternity …

By Eshaan Joshi • Vol 1, Issue 5 • March 27, 2024

I think this one's pretty funny. You should read it.