J. P. Crawfish

By J. P. Crawfish • Vol 4, Issue 1 • Aug. 27, 2025

It happened again. You were leaving the car, walking back home, when you encountered it: a squirrel (let’s call him Squeaky) standing only 4 feet away from you.

You take a step closer. Squeaky does not scurry away. You cower. Squeaky stares you down. You run away.

Does Squeaky have rabies? you ask yourself. No, Squeaky doesn’t. What does Squeaky have? Courage. Gumption. Chutzpah. Probably the confidence to make a phone call. Maybe even the confidence to leave a message.

Shouldn’t this squirrel (let’s call him Sir Nutsworth) be afraid of humans and cars? You are a …

By J. P. Crawfish • Vol 4, Issue 0 • Aug. 17, 2025

The Big Apple. The City of Angels. The Motor City. The Windy City. Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania is known by many names that reflect the splendor and enigma of this Pacific Northwest paradise.

A European jewel nestled in the foothills of the Adirondack Mountains, Pittsburgh has amazed at least a dozen CMU students — strangers to the excesses of Sin City.

“I’m from New York City where there's only a grassy field, two cows, and a gay club called ‘Club Diesel’,” commented one CMU student, “so seeing the towering skyscrapers of Pittsburgh was really different.” A second new student continued, …

By J. P. Crawfish • Vol 3, Issue 5 • March 14, 2025

Chuck Schumer’s Glasses
Chuck Schumer’s Glasses
Precariously perched
Tilted and tepid
How does he look up?
Or straight forward?
Or in any direction that isn’t at a 60 degree angle?
Left with many questions
I seek
No answers
Just Chuck

Fiddler on the Roof
Without traditions
Our lives would be as shaky as a fiddler on the roof
Oh no
That's not good
The fiddler
Has dropped the fiddle
From the roof
Onto Tevye’s eldest
She looks hurt
Ok it's just a bruise she’ll be fine
Surely nothing else bad will happen to the Jews of Anatevka

By J. P. Crawfish • Vol 3, Issue 5 • March 14, 2025

Noah’s Ark
🔯🔯
Great ocean scenery but they put me with the only other human and he keeps looking at me weird.

Tower of Babel
🔯🔯🔯
Gribbledorf zanks flomptiously squibberwump’s jibbleflop.

Cain and Abel
🔯🔯🔯🔯
If my dad named me Cain, I’d also be pissed off.

Joseph’s Coat of Many Colors
🔯🔯🔯
A bit too much if you ask me.

Passover Story
🔯🔯
Can’t believe they plagiarized from the iconic 1998 American animated musical drama film The Prince of Egypt. Is nothing original these days?

The Desert
🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯
t’s …

By J. P. Crawfish & Your Mother • Vol 3, Issue 5 • March 14, 2025

1) You won’t let me set you up with Rachel Cohen

Rachel is such a nice girl. I’m sure you two would have a lot in common. I saw her mother at Barbara’s shiva last week. Do you remember Barbara? Such a shame! And you know what her mother said? Rachel is moving to Philly for her residency. A doctor! Can you believe that? It would work out so well and you won’t even let me set you guys up. Fine, fine, I won’t. You know I do so much for you and this is all I get in …