Violet R. Blu

By Violet R. Blu • Vol 4, Issue 5 • Oct. 31, 2025

With Halloween just around the corner, underachieving slackers everywhere are throwing parties. Now, horror movies are pretty scary, but I can’t think of anything more frightening than wasting valuable time on “fun” and “leisure”. Worry not, though: there is a way to celebrate Halloween while still maximizing productivity and increasing shareholder value. Invite all your LinkedIn mutuals to a fangtastic networking event!

The decor, food, and activities are important here. They need to say “trick or treat” while also saying “hire me”. Guests can bring bowls of candy with their CV printed on every wrapper. Morally bankrupt attendees can …

By Violet R. Blu • Vol 4, Issue 4 • Oct. 8, 2025

When I opened my eyes that fateful morning, I saw evidence of last night’s rager all over the room. It looked like your average CMU party. Beakers of titrated Hennessy littered the kitchen table. Kilts were strewn about on the ground, some with accompanying pairs of tartan underwear. Someone cuddled on the couch with a monitor depicting Tank’s sleeping face. I tried to parse my fuzzy memories, but I had no idea how I ended up there.

When I stood up, I felt a cool breeze hit the back of my legs. It struck me as strange, considering I …

By Violet R. Blu • Vol 4, Issue 3 • Sept. 26, 2025

There has never been war without trauma. Throughout history, countless soldiers have been kept awake by memories of senseless violence. Many combat veterans cannot hear fireworks or smell burning rubber without recalling the horrors of war. While many people see this as a tragedy, America’s leading advertising firms see it instead as potential for new business opportunities. Now, neuroscientists and marketers are finding ways to take advantage of the ad space created by these veterans’ grief stricken war memories.

Take Cody Daniels: He served two tours in Afghanistan and now suffers from post traumatic stress disorder. Several weeks ago, …

By Violet R. Blu • Vol 4, Issue 2 • Sept. 10, 2025

At Carnegie Mellon University, the end of the 1920s saw unprecedented financial ruin for many first-year students. The meal-block economy had crescendoed throughout the decade, with blocks selling for a whopping 50% of their original worth. Unfortunately, this lucrative exchange could not last forever. The block market imploded, wiping out the assets of many ambitious traders. Freshmen everywhere lost their investments, their savings, and their bananas of varying ripeness.

The crash created a dire economic situation on campus. Thousands showed up to the bread line every day, hoping Au Bon Pain had enough rustic baguettes to sustain them during …

By Violet R. Blu • Vol 4, Issue 2 • Sept. 10, 2025

Up until the 1960s, the student body of Carnegie Mellon University consisted solely of gay men. Passionate academic rivalries and long nights in the lab together fostered a thriving homosexual population at CMU. De Fer ran out of iced coffee by 8:03 every morning, and the CMU Philharmonic played nothing but Lana Del Rey covers. When Margaret Morrison Carnegie College opened in 1969, its female students rarely interacted with men, choosing instead to recite Greek poetry while tasting each other’s lipstick. For decades after its founding, CMU saw little in the way of male-female contact. No one was ready for …

By Violet R. Blu • Vol 4, Issue 1 • Aug. 27, 2025

Many parents have expressed concerns about the possible long-term complications of vaccinating their children. However, leading scientists recently discovered a positive relationship between childhood immunization and readiness for Carnegie Mellon University.

SCS freshman Lily Anderson received the measles-mumps rubella vaccine at age three. By age four, her parents had already begun to notice the markings of a gifted child. According to Anderson’s mother, Sheila, “Lily would sit there for hours solving algebraic equations. If a kid asked to play with her, she’d cover her ears and drown out the sound of their voice until they walked away. I think …